Questions 2004

Tuesday 1st June 2004

A huge thankyou first to all of you who wrote in to ask questions or just to pass comment on this and that or to say how much you enjoy my work (and my rants...)
So, thanks to Dave, Helen from Essex, Rachael (from Oz), George Ford, Steve Bell, Rob and Luke (from Australia), Denise Foot-Batten, Scott Condon, Sue, Carl, Danny, Ian, Ric Kitchen and all the others who wrote in just to say how much they enjoy what I do. I always said my readers were the best...
A little word to the Charlton fan who wrote to me back in March gloating somewhat...
You may be on cloud nine my friend, but that's not as high as forth spot is it...? You did the double over us and it still looks like we might get your manager... Ah, well... On a serious note, carry on with your own writing, just keep going. I know you might think that's easy for me to say but I had 40 rejections myself so I know what it's like. Good luck.
By the way, before the questions come flooding in about my views on Gerard Houllier getting the sack I'd just like to say I think it's a fucking disgrace... I know there'll be large sections of Liverpool fans having street parties because of his and Emile Heskey's departure but, personally, I didn't want either of them to go and, for those so happy about Gerard's departure, let's see what happens next shall we? What if the next guy gets us to third next season, does he get the push? Where the fuck were you lot when Souness was in charge? Forgotten those days? Forgotten the treble of 2001? Who was in charge then, er... a certain Frenchman who's actually the most successful manager at Anfield since Kenny Dalglish in terms of silverware.
I'd better stop there because I'll end up getting barred from Anfield and I'm about to renew my season tickets...
On we go...
Here's an interesting one... From Patrick Cawley who reckons I've got no balls...
So, I took the easy way out at the end of COMPULSION did I Patrick? Well, you're entitled to your opinion even if you did misunderstand the ending. To have had the old folks get away with it would have been the easy option... And what do you think the two kids riding around on bikes at the end signified? That the trouble had far from finished Are we clear on that now. Thanks for your interest and honesty, excuse mine won't you. If you can dish it out, be prepared to take it...
This one's for everyone out there... All my readers who think that Patrick is right and I've got no balls and "are just a wimp like all the rest..." feel free to let him know what you think of his comments by e-mailing him at [email protected].
I'll be interested to see what some of you mad bastards think of his opinions...
Woody and the subject of everlasting youth...
Woody, I still think of myself as a young leather clad horror writer, mate, unfortunately, the march of time has squashed that myth... Oh, shit, we all have to get older don't we? I'm still wearing the jeans and leather jacket it's just that now I've got a footballers haircut instead of a rock stars (mind you, Bruce Dickinson isn't exactly sporting a mane of flowing locks these days is he... He's a month older than me by the way and must have felt, as I did, that a change was as good as a rest).
To Lisa McQuillan, one of my most loyal readers and the subject of sex...
You want more. Lisa... Always good to hear... You've taken me to task before on this I know. Not much in NECESSARY EVIL I'm afraid but should be a fair bit in the one after that... (hope I haven't lost that ability to, as you put it so eloquently, induce the "moist effect"...)
I didn't get the photo you attached (If you send me one through my publishers I'll get it, then I'll recognise you next time) but I think I remember you anyway from the Birmingham thing last year. Don't worry, your name is here on the death list right beside me... I hope to see you again in Birmingham in July or at the talk I'm giving in Wolverhampton on June 9th (details elsewhere on the site) or down in The London Dungeon on July 2nd.
Yes, I've seen TOUCHING THE VOID, very impressive. Lately I've seen the dross that is VAN HELSING (shame because I like Hugh Jackman and Kate Beckinsale is certainly very easy on the eye...). I saw TROY a couple of times and I think the words gallant failure sum it up best. I'm annoyed because I can't put my finger on what's wrong with it... I thought Eric Bana as Hector was excellent. I re-viewed KILL BILL VOL. 1 again the other night and found it even more irritating than I did the first time. VOL. 2 I thought was dog-shit. Not much else around at the moment so I'll just watch RETURN OF THE KING on DVD and remind myself what a great film that was. I also watched MASTER AND COMMANDER again and was even more impressed than when I first saw it. A superb film in my humble opinion...
Hope you're getting on alright with your END OF STORY attempt. Hopefully I'll be seeing you as one of the winners in August. Good luck. You lot have got by far the hardest part of the job.
Anyway, thanks again for getting in touch and like I said, send that photo via my publishers at Warners and it'll get to me. Look after yourself.
Donna Richardson and THE UNINVITED...
Out of print, Donna, sorry... Macmillan put parts 2 and 3 in an omnibus a couple of years ago but I reckon car boot sales are your best bet. Sorry...
Sarah Anderson out in Texas...
I agree Sarah, it is amazing how immune to sarcasm some Americans are (sorry to any American readers by the way...). New Yorkers seem to pick it up but when you start getting to some places, forget it... Nothing available in the States that's not available here as far as I know. Hope you're well.
Glen Haines and a Xmas card...
Glad to know you're still with me, Glen. Always nice to hear from a squaddie. I bet you're glad you're out now with all this shit going on in Iraq aren't you?...Take care, mate.
John Gallagher in Edinburgh...
Good luck with the END OF STORY entry, my friend. See you in August hopefully. Glad to hear your nephew is a Maiden fan. I saw them at Birmingham on the DANCE OF DEATH tour. I thought they were superb. In fact, I think the album is their best since FEAR OF THE DARK... But what do I know...
Here's hoping West Ham make it back into the Premier league for next season. All the best.
To David Szulkin in L.A...
David, I'm glad you enjoyed COMPULSION... Feel free to try and adapt it as a screenplay with any changes you want to make... As for discovering that COME THE NIGHT was mine due to the "liquescent clefts"... Bollocks, call it a trademark... Don't worry, David, there'll be plenty more of those to come, along with coppery smells of blood...
To Paul Stevenson and his suspicions about me being a frustrated copper...
No Paul, I'm not. You guys do too good and too difficult a job for me to ever think I could join you. The reason alot of the characters in my books have been coppers is purely and simply because it gives them access to information in the books that is crucial to the plot. Do you, as a serving policeman, think that my coppers are realistic? I'd like to think they are but I'd like to know from someone who actually does the job. A signed picture for your office, eh? I'll see what I can do? Drop me a line via my publishers and it'll be taken care of.
To Pedigree Chump and a football violence book...
No, never considered it. I've been approached to do it but never fancied it. I recently saw THE FOOTBALL FACTORY and found it all a bit sad (the fact they were Chelsea fans didn't help...)
Yes, SLUGS THE MOVIE is based on my novel... No, it wasn't my fault...
Rob and my return to horror...
When I returned to Warners from Macmillan I always said that it would probably take three or four books before things turned full circle back to out and out horror (HYBRID, HELL TO PAY, NECESSARY EVIL, yeah, I know, the next one should be out and out horror...) and I'm still bashing away. I can only write what appeals to me, Rob. I too miss the days of splatter in some ways, it made my name after all but I think, as I've said before, that thrillers like SILENCE OF THE LAMBS killed horror. Human monsters became more terrifying than anything supernatural and there's no sign of an end to that trend. Plenty of horror films about but it hasn't spilled over into writing. What I can promise you with NECESSARY EVIL is a book that moves at a blistering pace and is massively violent. Will that do for a start?
Michael O'connell and worries about Michael Owen...
Congratulations on winning the league (sorry, walking the league) Michael. As a gooner you must be dead chuffed. My best friend is an Arsenal season ticket holder and has been for years and I sat next to him among you lot when you beat us on Good Friday... (bastards... how come you wilted to shite like the Mancs and Chelsea in the two preceding games then came back to life against us... Ah, well, never mind... Glad you won it. A great achievement to go unbeaten too). As for Owen and spot kicks... I don't think you'll have to worry about that in Portugal, firstly because fucking Beckham has to take everything doesn't he? Does that now include goal kicks? Great to see the prick moving to Spain to win nothing. And, also, sorry to sound unpatriotic but England won't win it anyway. And you're right, Rooney's not up to it... Wrong temperament, overrated and playing among relegation fodder for his club (cue irate Evertonian e-mails... But honestly guys, you're in a worse state now than when Moyes took over and yet he's still in work, explain that to me...) My tip. Euro 2004 to be won by Germany or Czech Republic... (I hope so, I've got Germany at 12/1...)
To Stephanie 'bumble bee' Bransfield...
May I ask how you got a nickname like "bumble bee", Steph? Or am I being a nosey bastard? Fuck it, I am being a nosey bastard. How did you get your nickname?
Glad you like the mention of Cork in RENEGADES, I spent a day or two there when I was doing the research for that book. I liked it but I love Ireland I must admit, especially the East Coast. I've had some wonderful times at Dromoland Castle. Also at Waterford Castle.
Good to hear I've inspired you to write. Best of luck with it.
Paul from Wigan... The Manchester United fan..
Paul, I'm glad you're a reader, mate. Who you support is irrelevant (especially as we beat you at your place again last season... Oops, sorry, had to get that in...). As I've said here before, one of the things I like is that so many people write to me and football is another great leveller, we're all fans of the game, it doesn't matter who your club are. Good luck with your own writing, let me know how it goes. And no, the mention of Man. Utd. being cunts in HELL TO PAY was purely intentional... Just as the one about Chelsea being cunts in NECESSARY EVIL is purely intentional...
To JR, the West Brom fan..
Glad you're back in the Premier League. I think the Hawthorns is a good little ground too. I took my little girl the last time we played you there, season before last. I hope you have a good season.
Jamie Klein in the states and a short film..
Jamie, I'm very honoured to think I was one of your influences. Send a copy of your film via my publishers, it'll get to me and I'll find a way of watching it. A mate of mine has got a video that plays American tapes.
Geoff and EXIT WOUNDS..
Geoff, whether or not you've been hitting the crack pipe too hard remains to be seen (I've switched to intravenous injections of Horlicks to calm me down...) but I agree, EXIT WOUNDS would make a great film but directed, not by John Woo but by the Japanese genius who is Miike Takashi (check out DEAD OR ALIVE, AUDITION and SHINJUKU TRIAD SOCIETY on video/DVD and you'll see what I mean...) As for who'd star in it... You tell me? How about Ray Winstone and Gary Oldman for starters..
To Charlotte Parish... And formality..
Please call me Shaun, Charlotte. But I understand the force of habit calling people Mr.
Right, HYBRID was a book within a book because that was the way it panned out. I wish there was an intellectual/artistic answer I could give you but there isn't.
Second, the scariest film I've ever seen? Jesus... Well I'd have to put ALIEN right up there. I agree with you about the original black and white version of THE HAUNTING. Another from that time that still stands up brilliantly is THE INNOCENTS. Otherwise, HALLOWEEN (if you can remember it at the time, I think all the crap that followed it tended to make everyone forget just how brilliant it was), THE EXORCIST, EXORCIST III, THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT and er... That's all I can think of at the moment.
Nice to hear you agree with me about KILL BILL. Thanks again for writing and next time, make it Dear Shaun...
Woody and END OF STORY..
Haven't I already answered a question of yours, Woody? Oh, fuck, the medication must be wearing off.
Get on with your END OF STORY entry and no, you can't have Tate being ambushed by fans of the Baggies... (Well, you can if you like, it's your ending...). I know what you mean about the entries being within the boundaries of acceptable taste etc...
By the way, did you manage to get hold of one of the little books or did you download the story from the BBC website?
Go, on stop asking me questions and get on with your fucking ending... Good luck.
Kai Mitchell and a story about weird cream eggs..
Kai, you have the memory of a depraved elephant... I'd forgotten that story myself until you mentioned it... I can't even remember who I wrote it for (which magazine?) I suspect it was one of the metal mags but I can't be sure. If I could find it then yes, I'd get it put on the site but I'm fucked if I know where it is, until you reminded me, I couldn't even remember it... Thanks for that.
Richard and my top ten horror movies...
Sorry to tell you Richard but I doubt if I could find ten horror movies I like enough to fill a top ten... I went to a horror film festival in Edinburgh a few weeks ago and felt like a pork chop at a Barmitzvah for saying (very quietly) that I didn't like George Romero films... When I said I thought the remake of DAWN OF THE DEAD was better than the original, I thought I was going to be lynched... The organiser said to me "you don't actually like horror films that much do you..?" Er... Well... Er... I...
Oh go on then, here's a list in no particular order;
ALIEN, THE EXORCIST, EXORCIST III, THE INNOCENTS, THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, THE FUNHOUSE, THE THING (John Carpenter version), MISERY, AUDITION and DAWN OF THE DEAD (the remake... sorry).
How's that? My real top ten films...
THE WILD BUNCH, TAXI DRIVER, ALIEN, A MAN FOR ALL SEASONS, STRAW DOGS, CROSS OF IRON, GLADIATOR, BRING ME THE HEAD OF ALFREDO GARCIA, THE GODFATHER I and II, LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy, SEVEN, FIGHT CLUB, THE FRENCH CONNECTION, TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A... I'll stop there...
Leigh Miranda Price and short stories...
If you want to start one, then start off by finishing mine for END OF STORY
Helen McCartney and END OF STORY..
I'll be looking for your entry, Helen (oops, sorry...) And, as for your question about Gerard Houllier, I think Liverpool's fucking board answered that on Monday didn't they..?
Claire from Suffolk and The Darkness...
Claire, I'm sorry... I never intended to imply you were a rock virgin... Sorry... Stop hitting me... I meant... Ouch... That The Darkness are liked by the media... Sorry... Too much, especially the horribly mouthy Emma B on Lorraine Kelly in the mornings... The silly cow would shit herself if she heard Metallica... (Emma B I mean, not the lovely Lorraine who once interviewed me and was quite wonderful...)
The Sex Pistols, now you're talking. Real attitude. ANARCHY IN THE U.K., PRETTY VACANT, GOD SAVE THE QUEEN, three of the finest songs ever written. John Lydon, a fine man not afraid to speak his mind. My kind of person.
Blazing Squad tortured in my next book... I wish, right after Eamon (what the fuck is that little twat all about...) Big Brovaz (can no one spell anymore...), Pouf dippy, piss dopey or whatever the fuck he's called now, Eminem, Romeo, D12... Where do I stop? I hate rap/hip hop so much I'm lost for words... And that's saying something...
Gary Bell and KNIFE EDGE...
No sweat, Gary, KNIFE EDGE was written before DIE HARD WITH A VENGEANCE was released... I don't rip people off. The Kessler novels my best work... What a fine if unusual sentiment... Now those borrowed from one of the finest films of all time, CROSS OF IRON and I don't mind admitting it. I probably did watch Raw Power on TV but what's happened to Blaze Bayley or that women who was on with him I couldn't tell you. I did the show once myself when Phil Alexander used to present it... Ah, those were the days, the days of hair..
Den Dangler and American Psycho...
Den, you are having a laugh with that name aren't you? Come on, now...Why did I have a dig at Bret Easton Ellis? Why not? He's a pretentious bastard and I hate pretension, how's that? Some Korn in the next book eh, I'll give it a try...
Annie/Caroline and the web site...
Yes, my website is brilliant. Thanks to the efforts of Mr Graeme Sayer. So, thank him, not me. Glad you like it. No frills, no bollocks, just like me (well apart from the bit about the bollocks obviously...) More sex, blood and gore arriving at platform one on July 1st... Let me know what you think...
Allan Waite and a signing in Yorkshire...
Allan get your sister to contact my publishers about signings at her shop. I'm sure something could be sorted out...
Mike Adamson and getting published...
Mike, find yourself an agent. Have a look at the FAQ page elsewhere on the site and you should find the info you're looking for. My only other advice, don't give up..
Albie, you had me pissing myself wondering what it would be like to punch Ramsey Campbell..
Albie reckons like punching "so much rice pudding"... You're a fine man, Albie, maybe one day I'll be able to tell you..
Any other theories on punching Ramsey Campbell or anyone else to the usual address...
Right, that's it once more. I'm off back to work. Good luck to all of you entering END OF STORY. See you after BIG BROTHER 5, HELL'S KITCHEN and EURO 2004...
Gordon Ramsay for President...

Saturday 3rd April 2004

Hello, folks,
Me again and yes, I know you're wondering why the fuck it takes me so long to answer questions, why the site isn't updated more frequently etc. etc.
It's my fault, not the fine man who runs it. My fault right. I'm the one who's up to my ears in work and trying to find time to answer your questions.
I can only apologise.
Many thanks to all of you who write, as always, to praise me and my books and thanks to all of you who bother visiting the site. I'm currently working on a new book so, if you lot want something of mine to read next July/August then you're going to have to bear with me I'm afraid.
Louise Swift asked what was the first book to make an impression on me...
One of mine, cos I got paid for it... Ha, ha, just kidding. The first book I can remember that made a real impact was THE EXORCIST (come to think of it, that's about the only book that ever made an impression on me...just joking..) The sequel, LEGION is superb too, as is the film of it.
Others that stick in my mind are THE KEEP, HEADHUNTER and some of the very early Pan books of horror stories.
I don't read now as you'll probably know.
JACKASS or DIRTY SANCHEZ? No contest, JACKASS all the way...
Jaymz, the bluenose.. Nice to hear from another of you. If you're writing then just keep it up...Write what you want to write and pray that someone wants to read it (that's what I've always done) Don't aim for any particular length with a novel. Tell the story in the number of pages it takes...(sounds obvious I know...) but, if it takes 200 then take 200. If it takes 1,000 then take 1,000.
You asked about Simon Clark (met him once, seemed a nice enough guy) and Michael Marshal Smith (er...never heard of him I'm afraid but then, he's probably never heard of me...)
Do you reckon you lot will sell Rooney to Chelsea next season..?
FOR ALL THOSE WHO ASKED... NECESSARY EVIL IS OUT IN HARDBACK IN JULY/AUGUST. I'm currently at work on the next one, out in hardback in summer 2005...
Lots of people who know I'm a Liverpool fan have asked my views on the state of the team etc.
Well, I, for one am quite happy with Gerard Houllier in charge. I was walking across the carpark to the ground the other week and got caught by two SKY scumbags who wanted me to comment on him and looked pissed off I didn't call for his immediate execution...
I'm writing this just after the 1-0 win over Wolves and all I'll say is, I couldn't give a shit about the performance (never can...) all that matters to me is winning. One of the guys who sits near me at Anfield was moaning the other week about the Reds not being very entertaining and I said to him that I don't pay my money every season to be entertained, I pay to see us get three points... Those, as they say, are my views...
Again, many thanks to all the supporters of other clubs who drop me lines, I really do appreciate it.
Anyone looking for advice on getting published, please check the FAQ page.
Lindsey asked me some unusual questions...
Why do I support Liverpool? Well, why not? I have done for 35 years, been a season ticket holder for the last 15. Saw them on TV when I was a kid and chose them as my team. As opposed to glory hunting Manes who watch their team only on TV and never go to the fucking games...
She asked if any of my characters are based on real people...
Well, most of the central characters have bits of me in them. Some of the others are based on people I've met. Some of the things in some of the books are actually based on events that I've experienced (though not the penis biting scene in EREBUS luckily...)
To the baggies fan who mentioned Monty Python...
Yes, I'm a huge fan. Still love them to this day and you're right, I should get some new material...
See your lot back in the Premier league next season I hope.
Laura Chamberlain wrote to thank me for an autograph...
No problem Laura and yes, I remember signing it that night you rang the JAMES WHALE SHOW. As I walked in, Ash, the producer said you'd just called. Thanks for taking an interest.
Maddy Hansford asked if I ever wrote a book called Chikarra...
Bloody hell, Maddy, now where the fuck did you come across that little nugget...Years and years ago, I did an interview on a radio station in Reading and mentioned CHIKARRA as a title for an upcoming novel. That novel became CAPTIVES... I honestly do wonder where the hell you lot get your information from sometimes...
Gavin Robertson, you are a wonderful person for telling me that the superb film NARC was like my own work...
On the subject of films Remake of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW.
MASSACRE...I wanted to hate it but thought it was o.k., still prefer the original though... Remake of DAWN OF THE DEAD...
fucking hell, better than Romero's...(cue hail of rotten fruit and snarls...) sorry folks, that's what I think...
I've just seen THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST... Bloody, but worth the mass of over-reaction? I think not...Not even as funny as LIFE OF BRIAN...
Susi was getting confused about some of the characters in HYBRID...
Yes, the writer in it is the same writer as in HEATHEN, so is his agent, so HYBRID is like a prequel to HEATHEN if you want to look at it that way...I wanted my readers to have a bit of fun with HYBRID and put lots of links to other books in. It's what might have happened to Christopher Ward if he hadn't died in HEATHEN, how's that...
On a related topic, here's one for Woody...
I appreciate your comments, Woody. That's one of the reasons you lot are so fucking valueable to me as readers. If you love my stuff you tell me and if you hate it you tell me too. No messing. I respect that and long may it continue (this is not, by the way, an invitation for all and sundry to write and tell me I'm a useless fucker...) Woody, you want stomach churning horror again...All I'll say is, it's on it's way, mate, its on its way...
Alan in Glasgow...
If you want me to send me a book Alan then of course I will sign it for you with whichever date you want on it. Send it via my publishers or, if you've got some time to spare, bring the fucking thing along to the DEAD BY DAWN Festival in Edinburgh on April 22nd and I'll do it personally for you. Good luck with the recovery, mate...
Rob and the reasons for Liverpool not doing so well...
Nothing to do with Celtic's scrambled win at Anfield last season, Rob...I will say one word to you, PORTO... (oops, sorry...)
See you in the UEFA cup again this season probably...
Claire Nixon and films...
Claire, I think I should be a household name too (like Domestos or something..) That may well change very soon. Keep your eyes on the Radio Times...
Films of my books...Hmmmm...any of them as long as the film company pay an obscene amount of money for the rights... Lisa and Sean Doyle...
Read them in the following order. Lisa, RENEGADES, WHITE GHOST, KNIFE EDGE and HYBRID. That'll give you the goods in chronological order... Grahame Tulett asked me if I ever feel a rivalry with James Herbert.. No, Grahame. In a word. Or two... Thanks for asking though (the rest of this answer has been cut by me on account of my agent doesn't like me ranting...and quite right too...)
Sonia Waterfield and WASP...
My God, you got sent a BC Rich Warlock by WASP... Jesus, I'm never talking to you again... Amazing stuff, really... I know they're still getting slagged off but I still like them too...
I agree with you about the Scorpions too. One of the greatest gigs I've ever seen was them at Wembley Arena in about 1989 (or later... God my memory...) My favourite track of theirs is "Alien Nation", "Lust or Love"...Come to think of it, there isn't much I don't like.. Shirley wanted to know why I'm so foul mouthed...
Because I am in real life, Shirley...Also, the characters I write about tend to be the type of people who swear... Simple as that.
Anyone else got any views on that sort of thing? Is there too much sex, violence or swearing in my novels..? Go on, tell me, I'm intrigued...
Darren Heil and Iron Maiden...
No Darren, I wasn't the ghost writer for Bruce Dickinson's novel. That was all down to Mr Dickinson himself. We talked about it before, during and after he wrote it, obviously and I supplied an endorsement for it but no, the old "air raid siren" was solely responsible. We've worked together on TV believe it or not...Years ago, Bruce presented a show on MTV and yours truly was a guest. We also worked over a script together many years ago which nothing ever came of. You never know, sometime in the future...
Claire from Suffolk wanted to know what I think of the Darkness...
Rock for people who don't know proper rock music, Claire. Sorry, I know I'm an old fart and everyone loves them etc. etc. but not me...I think what's really put me off is the media reaction to them. They're radio friendly, they're safe...er... shall I stop there...They're Bon Jovi without the sparkling white teeth...But what the fuck do I know, they're multi-millionaires and anything's better than listening to another fucking boy band on Top of the Flops...However, I was listening to SO FAR, SO GOOD, SO WHAT by MEGADETH on the way to the footie the other week and I thought "Now this would make the Darkness shit blood..." But, maybe it's just me.. Steven from Norfolk and signings...
How can you have time to read with recently arrived twins... (Just kidding...) Regarding signings in Norfolk, it was suggested that I do some in Norwich (is that Norfolk...) and round about. I always have a weeks holiday in Great Yarmouth (No help though...)
To Carl Smith, to Tina and to everyone else who wrote just to tell me how much they enjoyed my stuff thankyou. Thanks to all of you for your support, you'll never know how much it's appreciated
A final plea to an anonymous fellow Red (Avid Merrion... Not)...
You were spot on with your assessment of where I sit in the Upper Centenary. You must have the misfortune of sitting within earshot of me (well, that could include anyone on the Kop too I suppose...). You guessed seats somewhere between 149-160. Actually Row 9, seats 156 and 157. The odd glance from the steward on Exit 6... Er... I've never noticed but one of the guys who sits a couple of seats away from me says he has. Prone to swearing...just slightly...Yes, been there fecking years, since the stand opened, been in the same two seats as well (the mrs goes when she can and the guy to my right sometimes kindly lets me have his ticket if he can't make it so we take my little girl too)...At the next home game, please, please come and just say hello will you, it'd be great to meet you. As for the picture you must have found where I had more hair, I can only imagine which one it was...Either that or you're confusing me with the famous Tommy who sits two away from me (not Poor Scouser Tommy I hasten to add..Liverpool fans will get that joke..) and who spends most of the first half eating my bloody sweets... Sorry, Tom...
Take care of yourself, you'll hear me at the next game and for many more to come...
Right, that's it. Sorry again for the delay answering your questions, folks, I know you understand if I'm a bit lax sometimes but work calls very loudly at the moment. I'm off now (well, something in here smells anyway...). Keep the questions coming and remember, ask whatever you like...

Monday 5th January 2004

Hello again, folks,
Well, Xmas approaching fast and all that so ho, ho, ho and Jingle fucking bells etc. etc...
Sorry, didn't mean to sound like Scrooge. I love Xmas. So much so that I'm up to my eyes trying to prepare for it (nailing paper chains to passing reindeer, unblocking the chimney ready for burglars, getting out my Santa suit etc... etc...)
Hence the somewhat shorter than usual answers pages. Also, work is piling up as usual.
Talking of bullshit by the way, did anyone happen to see that fucking psychiatrist on GOOD MORNING the other day (alright, I just happened to see it when I walked back in the house the other day...).
Why are you unhappy? She then asks four or five people why they're unhappy... Money isn't everything...
ARE YOU HAVING A LAUGH, WOMAN...
Money can't buy you happiness...
BUT YOU CAN BE MISERABLE IN FUCKING COMFORT
Money can't buy you health...
YOU CAN PAY FOR TOP HARLEY STREET SURGEONS...
Money can't stop you eating...
CARRY ON EATING, YOU CAN AFFORD THE LIPOSUCTION...
I know people are always on about Xmas being too commercialised but my answer to that would be... So what? Jesus got presents didn't he?... (apologies to any devout Christians reading this... I do believe in God myself you know) I reckon the most irritating thing about Xmas is that it always falls when the shops are busiest...
Oops, the answers page has turned into a rant.
Anyway, many thanks to all of you who wrote in once again.
I'm going to answer most of these generally if I can.
Will Sean Doyle be back..
I haven't got a clue to be honest..
I'VE got a question..
Has anyone seen KILL BILL? If you have, did you, like me, find it well made but highly irritating? Tarantino is like the cinematic equivalent of a bloke who likes the sound of his own voice (homages to Chinese movies, yeah, very clever Quentin...)
I tell you what, I'll be impressed when he makes a film about real life and not about other films and, for the last time all you so-called film critics out there, the chinny twat did not invent screen violence...
Anyway...
Thanks to Dave Cahill, glad I've made your train journeys more bearable.
Denise Howlett, your husband's right...
No Denise, COMPULSION was never made into a film. There was a film called COMPULSION made back in the 60's (brilliant it was too) but it had nothing to do with my book (and no, I didn't nick the title either...)
Congratulations to Tony D. and girlfriend on the birth of your baby son... That's buggered the writing Tony, eh...?
Brenny,
Slow down with the reading... You gooners may well have another double on your hands (maybe...) I sincerely hope you win the title instead of the Mancs (unless the mighty Reds stage a comeback of mythical proportions that is...) All the best.
Colin from Ireland...
Feel free to use the adapted script of PURITY in your portfolio for college, mate and I hope it helps you.
Mark the Sheffield Wednesday fan...
My main music influences ...Iron Maiden, Queensryche, Great White, Metallica. They aren't really influences, I just like them a great deal. My music tastes are very broad (Enya and Clannad, Film Soundtracks, I like Avril Lavigne's album) Having an eight year old helps with hearing stuff I wouldn't normally hear as well...
On the subject of bands, Sonia Waterfield asked me if I'd ever met Iron Maiden...
Yes, Sonia, a number of times. I've also met WASP (sorry if this sounds like name-dropping by the way). In fact, Chris Holmes once spent thirty drunken minutes telling me how much he wanted to get home and fuck his wife (Lita Ford at the time ... who remembers her...). That was at an after show Iron Maiden party in Paris. I've met Geoff Tate from Queensryche, assorted members of Guns 'n Roses, The Scorpions (Rudolph Schenker was convinced I'd written the screenplay for THE TERMINATOR), Bon Jovi, Anthrax (all of who used to read my books and may still for all I know...) and a few others. I once had the privilege of hitting a member of one of Maidens support bands with a custard pie on stage at Hammersmith Odeon (as it was back in 1988). The band were the Killer Dwarves ...ten points to anyone who ever saw them ...Dave Mustaine of Megadeth tripped over my foot at an aftershow party once and, I once nearly ended up as temporary frontman for Iron Maiden in Brussels back in 1987 (very long story... )... er... I think I'll stop there...
Once more, thanks to all the football fans who write to me, those who support other clubs. With me living in Milton Keynes of course, we now have Wimbledon playing here at the Hockey Stadium and yours truly has been wandering along occasionally to watch them and the reserves. If someone had told me I'd be doing that ten years ago I'd have laughed in their faces. Different team, different club, nothing like the hated CRAZY GANG...
Thanks to all those who said they liked HELL TO PAY...Always a relief when a new one comes out.
NECESSARY EVIL is out next August in hardback. Just after Xmas, I start preparing the next one (for release in August 2005...yeah, I know it's a long wait... sorry)
I feel a return to the vile, darker horror many of you have craved for so long is on its way...
A word to Ivor Goligher from Belfast...
How are the Pyramids looking this morning, Ivor?...Teaching in Egypt for a year, bloody hell ...Hope it goes well for you and that no one asks you what an unsolicited manuscript is... It's publishing shorthand for something some poor sod's sent in on the off-chance it'll get looked at, Ivor. Nothing flash. Nothing intelligent. Simple as that.
On your other point (and I'm starting to get worried I've offended some people here and there), let me get this straight once and for all, when I wrote the four books that feature Sean Doyle, I NEVER intended to make a comment about what was going on in Northern Ireland in any way shape or form, either politically, morally or anything else. Doyle existed within that environment, within that situation. He WORKED in it. As simple as that. He himself had no views on the rights or wrongs or anything else of it.
I appreciate very much the points you made but God forbid I should have given you the impression I didn't know what the hell I was talking about.
On a general point, I'd like to thank all the people from Northern Ireland who've written to say how realistic the books concerning Doyle were, that's people who live there and also from British squaddies who've served out there. Thanks to all of you.
Scott Rowbotham, I apologise...
Sorry for not nipping in for a cuppa while I was in Stockport...
Doyle and Kessler in a time travel battle with slugs... Nice idea, might try it...
Lorraine Dyble asked if I'd like any of my books to be filmed...
Yes, Lorraine, all of them... Unfortunately, SLUGS THE MOVIE wasn't the greatest adaptation of my work but, what can you do...
Chris and DEATH DAY...
Yes, the American edition does have an extra chapter but no, I didn't like "Once Upon a Time in Mexico"... I've got a horrible feeling that Robert Rodriguez thinks he's the new Peckinpah and I'll tell you what... He ain't...
Dez Fletcher...consider your misery ended, there was never a film of WARHOL'S PROPHECY... (Mind you, there might be one day...)
Someone said the film NARC was very Hutson-esque...
A compliment indeed. Thankyou. Great film. I agree totally with your views on the British film Industry, especially after having sat through the excruciatingly fucking awful LOVE ACTUALLY... Jesus, you could kill a bus load of diabetics with that film. Well, it didn't make me feel warm and fluffy, it made me feel fucking sick. Still, maybe my way to film success would be to get Richard Curtis to adapt all my books...
Hugh Grant as Sean Doyle.
Kat Slater out of fucking Eastenders as Georgie.
Rowan Atkinson as Matt Franklin (central character in NECESSARY EVIL, who, by the end of the book makes Doyle look like a restrained and well adjusted individual...)
Ah, well..
Dan, Dan, the Blackburn fan..
I blame Souness too, Dan. I must admit, I saw a bit of your game against the bluenoses on TV and had a chuckle... Meanwhile, I've been looking at VERSUS in my local video shop for a while now and been meaning to get it out. Have you seen BAISE MOI yet? I'll be interested in your comments...
I'm waiting to see if I get two Miike Takashi films that are on my Xmas list, namely SHINJUKU TRIAD SOCIETY and his latest, THE HAPPINESS OF THE KATAKURIS (a horror musical with the shoutline "The hills are alive with the sound of screaming"...) Fingers crossed. I looked in loads of shops and every fucking Japanese film was on special offer except Takashi's... Bastards...
I agree about Evanescence, the radio is overplaying them, making them seem too accessible and I fear a backlash. Anyway, we haven't got your lot at Anfield until April so, I'm sure both our seasons will have improved by,then...
Nikki and the cold tea...
Yes, Nikki, I do tend to have people sipping cold tea or coffee by accident quite alot...It's a kind of trademark, like the "coppery" smell of blood...
Karen Andrews wanted to know about my early years...
Like what? Date of birth... Jesus... Can a man keep nothing secret?... Actually, I'm gutted to tell you it was the 23/9/58 (Oh, Christ I'm depressed...)
I went to just the one secondary school (now closed, but not my fault...) and, as I said last time on the site, the reasons for my expulsion were piddling little things like rigging sixth form elections, nicking money (well, I prefer the term re-appropriating tuck-shop funds, namely from the tuck-shop to me... and... er... oh, yeah, I did hit someone with a kettle lead but that wasn't an issue at the time I don't think...)
Is that o.k. for you...
Generally, I'd like to say a huge thanks to Cher D, in Australia and to say that if my books have helped you in anyway at all then I'm glad.
To all of you who just write in to say how much you enjoy my work, as ever, thankyou very much indeed.
To Lisa McQuillan, one of my welcome ever presents...
Off to the Rocky Horror Show in the fishnets eh, any photos would be most welcome, Lisa...
But seriously, I was hugely relieved you enjoyed HELL TO PAY, glad you liked the sex scenes (not much in that way in NECESSARY EVIL but in the one I'm planning next... Jesus... They'll have to give it away in wipe clean covers... Sorry...)
You asked if I'd ever been to Northern Ireland. Yes. A number of times, for promotional tours and also for research purposes. Nice to hear that I got things right. I must admit, I'm always a bit guarded about some of my research (guns, dog fights, underworld habits, medical stuff etc.) and, frankly, it would take too long to list all the research sources for all the books I've done. Suffice it to say that some stuff and some sources don't want to be named, some of the people and things I've met up with during the course of my career are helpful for bringing the touch of realism to the, how can I put it, more unpleasant side of life. Maybe one day I'll spill the beans...
I didn't know you used to work in a video shop. A mate of mine was the same. Loved films, used to recommend all the good ones only to have people bringing them back moaning. He'd recommend something like NARC and they'd come back demanding the newest Jackie Chan movie instead...
I get that myself at the pictures. I'll come out of a film like THE 25TH HOUR, having sat in a cinema with maybe three other punters and then see a queue waiting to go into some fuckwit American Teen movie... I despair sometimes but what can you do?
I saw HUNTED. Or should I say FIRST BLOOD Redux (as Total Film so rightly called it). Hugely disappointing as William Friedkin has, in my humble opinion, made three of the finest films in cinema history, namely THE FRENCH CONNECTION, TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A. and THE EXORCIST. Mind you, he also made JADE and THE GUARDIAN didn't he... So... Er...
I'll take your word about "We Will rock You". I hate Ben Elton. I'm sure the music is great but the knowledge that he'd written it would spoil my enjoyment.
Anyway, enjoy The Rocky Horror Show and, in the meantime, go and have a look at MASTER AND COMMANDER. Well, worth a visit...
To Susan Hutson in Australia...
A long lost relative possibly? I have no idea Susan. You certainly have an interesting family history though. When we went to Barbados (I got married there), I noticed that the name Hutson was popular too. My Dad reckons we were plantation owners, knowing my luck, we were bloody slaves...
Neil Smith and the origin of Jim Marsh..
Is Jim Marsh in WARHOL'S PROPHECY based on Jim Marshall of Marshall Amps fame..? We share the same hairdresser, Neil, what more can I tell you?... Any similarities are completely unintentional unless you want them to be...I take it you live in Bletchley, MK or somewhere round about?
People asking for advice on getting published, for getting signed books etc, I'll just say, check elsewhere on the site and you'll find the info you seek...
Rob... Yes, it is me you're speaking to and not some underpaid grad student...
As you all know, the e-mails come to me via the site but the answers you get here are from me.
Glad you enjoy the books, Rob. The reason for the inclusion of the novel within a novel in HYBRID, is that the thriller bit had already been written and there was no way I was junking it, hence the need to have the central character as a writer ...well, one of the reasons anyway-It's a long boring story (not fucking HYBRID..) but there were lots of problems with the writing etc. and, until you mentioned it, I hadn't thought of the similarities with MISERY but the stuff that Stephen King's character writes he does for different reasons to those my character does ...(I think..)
Haven't read any of my other books, you bastard .... I'd recommend starting with RENEGADES, HELL TO PAY or RELICS. Oh, fuck it, read them all and let me know what you think...
Asif and his sister from Birmingham...
It was good to meet you and Azra at the signing in Waterstones and, don't worry, you will be killed off, which book I don't know.
When you do go, it will, I think be the first sibling death.
How popular is horror compared to other genres...
Not very I'm afraid but I think it might build again.
Will Liverpool finish above Villa this season...
Asif, you're a sensible man. I'd bet money on it... Lucky to get a point off you at Villa Park... Give me a break... If Sorenson hadn't made the save of his life five, minutes from time we'd have had all three points (yes I know you hit the post...)
Anyway, take care and get Azra to send some of her poetry along...
To Alf Williams and the age of D.I. Fielding...
A bullshit answer, Alf? He was incredibly talented.
The truth? I fucked up. So did the proof reader...
Hope you enjoy the others...
Graham Hewson on Blackburn and Richard Laymon...
You're right, Graham, a good win at Blackburn (pity about fucking Bolton in the 4th round ...Mike Riley gave two penalties against us against the Mancs at Old Trafford last season that were also dubious in the extreme. Just to make my night even worse, after the game I got stuck in traffic on the M6 for an hour, walked back in the house at 1.45...)
As for Richard Laymon, no, I never met him but a few people have pointed out my namecheck in his book THE STAKE. Typical that, the only other horror writer in the world who liked me is now dead...
To Paul Crassely, somewhere in Cornwall...
Glad you enjoyed the books and it was worth skipping work for... I did know that SARS can be carried by cats, so can AIDS I think... The moral being don't kiss your cat and, certainly don't shag it...
Right, that's it. Sorry about the delays, folks but, as I said, just like you lot, I'm getting ready for Xmas, on which note can I wish all of you a fantastic Xmas and New Year and I'll see you all again in 2004.
Have one for me...
Sorry, finished off a bit quick there ...I'd forgotten November's questions..
I'd like to say a huge thankyou to everyone who came and saw me at THE LONDON DUNGEON and at Ottakars in Milton Keynes on and around Halloween which brings me neatly to...
Paul who spoke to me down in the London Dungeon...
It was good to meet you. I know what you mean about the lights and song scrambling your brain... It was a good day though, everyone down there was very kind. I'll more than likely go back again next year (if they'll have me...)
To answer your question, or not, my secret pseudonym is... Oh, fuck it, maybe one day...
The books are nothing like my own, that's all I'll say...
Dan in Bexhill (I know it's in Kent...)
My favourite novel of my own... Probably RENEGADES (because it introduced Doyle), LUCY'S CHILD and HELL TO PAY are also favourites because when you're working on a book you can usually tell if things are just dropping into place and, on those, they did... (well, they did for me anyway...)
Kelly Burnell and the midnight reading...
Kelly, I'd be more than happy to answer any amount of questions for your online magazine. If you just send them to the site then they'll be forwarded to me and consider it done... I'll also have a root around and see if I can find any short stories you can use. Hope that's a help.
Richie Geach from Wolverhampton...
Nothing wrong with being a Wolves fan, Richie... I'll be visiting Molineux in a week or so when the mighty Reds play there. Nice to hear from a squaddie that I've got my facts right about weapons and about Northern Ireland, thanks. My info on weapons comes from books mainly but, when pistol clubs were allowed, I used to be a member and have, at one time or another (thanks to many of the other members that used to attend) I've fired most of the pistols that I describe in my books. I've also put blanks through an HK33 assault rifle, an AK47 and an MP5K (courtesy of the BBC).
Dan, Dan the Blackburn fan...
I'm still trying to track down that Korean film you mentioned SHIRI. I must admit I'd never heard of it. I spoke to someone the other day who said that Miike Takashi (of Audition fame) had just made another film this one called VISITOR Q, apparently, it's... Er... How can I put this.... Vile. Can't wait...
Like yourself, I like the look of DARK WATER, having enjoyed RING and RING 2.
I looked in my local Virgin store the other day to see three (count 'em) Takashi films in the sale SHINJUKU TRIAD SOCIETY, LEY LINES and RAINY DOG. However, on closer inspection, those three were not in the fucking sale... Anyway... Enjoy DARK WATER...
Clive, the baggies fan..
No, Clive, I don't find it an insult that people like my stuff and Richard Laymon's too. I don't expect people to read only my books ...Not when I only do one a year, you poor sods would have fuck all to do for the other eleven months of the year would you? I used to read his stuff when I was at school and I can understand why people like his work and mine. Like you I was sad to hear of his death (no, I was honestly, you cynical bastards...). I heard that Stephen King was also unwell, in hospital with pneumonia. I wish him a speedy recovery (no, I fucking mean that... I do...)
It's always good blokes like Laymon and King isn't it? Now, if Clive Barker had just got a dose of the clap... (unlikely as that may be...)
A few of you asked if I was going to see Iron Maiden on their DANCE OF DEATH tour. Yes, I shall be at the NEC on Tuesday 17th December.
Someone asked if a book they'd seen by Bruce Dickinson (with an endorsement from yours truly on it) was by the same Bruce who's with Maiden. The answer is yes it is. I did the endorsement as a favour. He wrote a sequel too, I know, I've still got the ms. in my office...
To the person who asked why I killed off Malcolm Dome in ASSASSIN...
He asked me to. Just like Krusher did. Lots of people asked to be killed. It gives them a kind of weird immortality... Malc's a good bloke (even though he is an Everton supporter...) who I've known for years. I only ever kill off people I like. Honest...
Right, that is it now... I'm off to have a mince pie. Once again, to all of you, have a fucking wonderful Xmas and a superb New Year and I'll see you all in 2004...